you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
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Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
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So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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