there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
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It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
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She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I woke up under a house in Key West
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