so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
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I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
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It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.