She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.