I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale