Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.

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  (303): I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight. http://tfl.nu/0aby
  Replies (18) Good night (3875) Bad night (866)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.

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  (908): Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog. http://tfl.nu/8v75
  Replies (27) Good night (861) Bad night (1989)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE

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  (845): I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE http://tfl.nu/lkt9
  Replies (37) Good night (569) Bad night (4353)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.

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  (434): Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am. http://tfl.nu/f8a0
  Replies (19) Good night (3315) Bad night (662)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.

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  (443): BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup. http://tfl.nu/0lqk
  Replies (22) Good night (3192) Bad night (827)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests

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  (917): On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests http://tfl.nu/0vji
  Replies (7) Good night (3190) Bad night (1915)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting

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  (619): the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting http://tfl.nu/ov15
  Replies (9) Good night (1462) Bad night (808)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet

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  (517): I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet http://tfl.nu/acf5
  Replies (1) Good night (2256) Bad night (684)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.

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  (615): You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it. http://tfl.nu/hvow
  Replies (4) Good night (1696) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league

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  (973): I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league http://tfl.nu/mvb2
  Replies (2) Good night (1266) Bad night (335)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.

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  (765): He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified. http://tfl.nu/qdiz
  Replies (10) Good night (1092) Bad night (523)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me

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  (404): Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me http://tfl.nu/5pe1
  Replies (6) Good night (1157) Bad night (251)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.

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  (225): Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into. http://tfl.nu/6a63
  Replies (3) Good night (518) Bad night (294)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.

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  (703): And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me. http://tfl.nu/uen9
  Replies (0) Good night (234) Bad night (313)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  How is your new roommate working out

  (415): View more from California

  We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.

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  (510): How is your new roommate working out (415): We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good. http://tfl.nu/gu53
  Replies (2) Good night (699) Bad night (278)

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