Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
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The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
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The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.