it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
there was a trapeze. enough said
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?