FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
