you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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