If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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