Small penises have feelings too.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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