Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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