dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
