Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
