you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
