Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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