you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
