i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
