trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
