I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
