I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
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You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
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It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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