You can't special order awesome
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
