i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
