please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
