I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
