Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
