every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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