my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
