im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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