with your own penis?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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