dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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