In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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