Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Panties = found
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
