I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
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But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
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Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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