Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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