I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
