her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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