On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
