I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
