He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
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she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
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After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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