my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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