Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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