Will you blow on my dice?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
