if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
