I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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