carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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