Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
