I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
