Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
