if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
