ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
