Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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