I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet