Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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