Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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