How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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