4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
