im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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