The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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