ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
