Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
