Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wish you could order shots online.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The power of my boobs compel you
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
