I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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