I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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