I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
