It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
