I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
